As I reflected back on the list it was more than obvious that it bled off the page. How was it oblivious to me all these years what was overtly there. The evidence of infidelity the whispers of molestation, the abuse I and so many others endured. The list helped me to remember the days of passivity could be no more. It was time to forgive, to release but move on to what was known to be true.
Thirty-two years later it’s as if God stopped me dead in my tracks and gave me this list. See it was always there but maybe I pushed it aside in hopes that things would be different. Maybe -I normalized the pain. Little did I know the list was just growing longer. At some point our reality collides with the TRUTH about who they are, WHO WE REALLY ARE and we realize were not the little forgotten girl we were years ago. With the list I stood my ground no longer an active participant in his enablement.
Control, manipulation narcissism the list goes on but the actual encounters even though involving me are shocking for even I to read. Age 12 a check thrown in your face after you shared you no longer want to work for his company. It was supposed to be summer job but to him it was about control and he no longer needed you. Then there’s the time he laughed at you for being involved in an abusive relationship. Hmm the man was essentially him in a different form. It continues he called you a crazy for having anxiety but you were just a girl trying to navigate life with no father to guide you there.
And trust the list goes on but it somehow might seem minute in comparison to the girls he molested and of course -it was their fault -according to him everyone is to blame for his abuse.
I couldn’t help but wonder what was the impact it had on them. Sharing his bloodline, he was supposed to lead the way. In fact in some ways he did impact their inability to love on me the way they should-commonalities of belittling & demeaning. I’m convinced that when we can’t face what runs through our blood we can’t send it on its way. So at some point the rivalries turn to bullying and bullying abuse. And of course, the little black girl was forgotten.
In the process of finding one’s strength all pain could be traced to one root. How could I possibility be mad at them when it was inherited. My heart grieves with them for they never got what they deserved as well.
As I reflect on the years of healing I’ve actively surrendered to I can’t help but wonder how many other women across the nation have been forgotten. At some point cast away and even ostracized by their fathers… Belittled, demeaned abused, their voices shut down.
I come on behalf of all of you today to say you don’t need a list. Your heart is the beating compass that tells you HOW to be loved. I want you to know that I see you, I hear you and plan to hold space for you in my work to give you the place to heal. I want you to forgive -release as that is an act of total love for yourself. And for the women who have grown up and still identify as the little forgotten girls. I see you. I hear you and that’s not the truth of who you are. For you were created to do so much more, be so much more and in one act of forgiveness at a time -you will. As my experiences transcend from my heart to yours it is my hope that you grab your healing.
The time is now. The wait is never. You always were and will forever be REMEMBERED.
Yours in Healing,
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